Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
