All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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