just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
