She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
