Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
