Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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