Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
