Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
