He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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