Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
