Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
