You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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