I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
