The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
