I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
