Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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