the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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