weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
