I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
