I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She swung at the pinata with crutches
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
