apparently the secret to your success is patron
I could make wine with my vomit
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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