If i come over, it means nothing
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
