First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
