He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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