we're blogging at a bar
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
