I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
