i'm signing you up for texting rehab
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
