your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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