But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
