can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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