My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
