honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
