So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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