Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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