you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
