So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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