How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize