Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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