I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
