Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
