Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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