real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
