question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
