Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
