Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
