Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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