pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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