You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Send help, water and tortillas.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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