so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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