it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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