1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
