dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
