turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
