Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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