So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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