Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
