Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
