Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
