Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
