So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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