Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What drink are we having for lunch?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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