I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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