yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My pussy is not your playground.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The struggles of a small town man whore
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
