weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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