Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
