end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
