the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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