I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
