That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
