3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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