my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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